Utter despair are the first words that come to mind.
Yesterday I drove over the hill for a couple of appointments and to try to find the elusive pair of much needed jeans.
I ended up spending a massive amount of money on everything but jeans.
I now have lovely new placemats and napkins. We’re having friends over tonight.
Scored some Cashmere too.
Not the point of this story. Distracted once again.
As everyone around here knows, the weather has been turbulent and summer is most definitely a thing of the past.
Just as I was getting ready to head home, it began to rain. Then it became torrential. Then Biblical.
I sat in my car in the parking lot of the grocery store thinking that at least if flooding kept me from going home, I was at a place with an endless amount of food.
It wasn’t really that bad, but these days, you have to be prepared.
When I began the westward drive, the rain let up and the sun sank low enough to be right at eye level (and just below the visor).
My shitty ass, $5, fashion forward sunglasses did not make matters any better.
So the sun was in my eyes. It was still raining a bit. The road was steaming. Water was spraying back at me from every car or truck ahead of me. Each and every plant, tree, dirt speck, and guard rail was wet.
And in the breakthrough sunshine, it sparkled like a glitter cloud. All of those droplets shot refracted light right into my eyes making it almost painful to look out my cracked windshield.
(As someone commented later, “That’s when you realize that you need to Windex the inside of your windshield.” Yup.)
The road wound uphill through a canyon. There was enough water for a spontaneous hydroplane.
Then, the vehicles coming towards me coming downhill towards me had SNOW on them. It was clumped beneath their wipers and piled on their bumpers.
Snow, I tell you, SNOW.
The beautiful red and orange oaks were covered in rime.
200 feet above me, they were covered in snow.
I stopped worrying about hydroplaning and began to be concerned with black ice.
It. Is. SEPTEMBER.
September folks, not December.
Besides, “Shit shit shit, I hope I don’t blindly slide into everything because I can’t see and I have no control over my truck at the moment,” my brain was screaming, “NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Not yet, please not yet.
I am cold. Skinny and cold.
I am not ready for needing a fire in the wood stove.
I am not ready to shovel.
I am not ready to slide off the road.
I am not ready to fall down.
(I fall down a whole awful lot in the winter.)
They say when you feel desperation, to pray.
So I prayed with all of my heart last night, all night.
I prayed again when I woke up in the dark this morning.
And then, I waited for the brilliant sun to rise over the Menefee to the east.
And it didn’t.
8:28 and it still hasn’t.
The sky has lightened, for sure, just enough to see the heavy, dense, grey clouds ready to drop their load on my sad little head once again.
Despair. Grief. Disbelief. Anger.
And a strong sense of camaraderie with my friend who I ran into on the way to my house and verbalized all that I was feeling.
Misery loves company.