Self Quarantine

Yes, I have isolated and insulated myself from the world.

But, not because of Covid-19.

I am here because I have a nasty ass stomach bug that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

It’s not life-threatening, and it will go away but my feelings about social distancing have taken a dramatic shift.

I was so very happy to stay away from people, to not leave my house, to isolate…

WHEN I DIDN’T HAVE TO.

I loved being a kind, compassionate, caring, global citizen, keeping away from anyone who might be vulnerable, sending food to those who can’t risk coming out to get groceries or a hot meal.

But now that I have to avoid people, and it isn’t even for the “big” reason, I’m unhappy.

Not really pissed or resentful – I’m still happy to do my part – but now that holing up in my house isn’t a choice, I keep thinking about all of the things that I could/should/would be doing if I didn’t have to worry about infecting others.

Because, as we all know, I’d never CHOOSE to sit in my house by myself for days on end with nothing but Elvis and a stack of books.

HA! It’s my dream – until it’s forced on me by my irritating digestive system.

I’ve been sitting in my house all day listening to the new foot of snow settle around the cabin, on the cabin, off the cabin.

Whumph.

I’ve had avalanches sliding off my roof all day. I wonder, “How can there still be snow up there – there’s a 4-foot pile blocking my front door?”

My cabin has been groaning under the weight of it all. Just as I have been groaning under the weight of it all inside.

I’m too irritated to go outside and try to walk in this shit.

I’m going to wait for it to melt rather than shovel.

My driveway got plowed so I could leave the house but where would I go? It would have to be someplace that has a working toilet and no other people.

That sounds like my home.

Suddenly, I am out of anything that I might possibly need and telling myself that I need to go on a supply run immediately to get…

Q-tips.

I don’t. I am just succumbing to “I am trapped” mentality and I don’t like being told that I can’t go anywhere, so those damn Q-tips seem like a necessity that I can’t live without.

And listen to me gripe and groan. One day. One stomach bug. One canceled date with TAM and I am all bitch and moan.

God help me if I actually get sick.

 

2 thoughts on “Self Quarantine

  1. I just love these, Suzanne. The laughter and empathy they bring–both so needed at this time! Saw your TAM this evening–on Zoom–plus all the other DRBA folks. I almost cried, I was so happy to see them, and yet my isolation is the way I live my life, and in the place in which I live it. Part of my dumps (pun intended) are the postpartum I-sent-my-book-to-the-publisher-and-now-I don’t-know-what-to-do-with-my-time blues. Blues to rejoice! I am going to celebrate by eating more chocolate. And here I am writing to you as if in an email and you’ll probably never see this! Ah well. I miss you!

    1. song dog sally

      Any word from your publisher?
      I’m going through a baking phase while I’m here at home – say YES to chocolate!

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