lonely

As fun as all of the quarantining is, people are not necessarily all enjoying it.

It was novel to feel all badass and community-minded and “I’m going to stay home and read books and bake cakes and rearrange my underwear drawer,” for the first few days.

But, self-imposed exile and forced exile are two totally different things and I think that even the strongest, most independent of us don’t do forced isolation for any length of time all that well.

It is lonely and it is scary and the fact that it is a scary time makes for a much more lonely time.

I am lucky – I have two dogs and TAM, so I have company and human interaction. And it is still hard.

I worry about my mother to no end. All alone, my dad just died, cooped up in her house missing him, missing other people.

Missing human touch.

We all need the physical connection that we get through a quick (or prolonged) hug, or someone holding the door open for us, or fuck, even someone randomly brushing food off our shirts while chatting in the post office.

Oh, you’ve never had someone brush crumbs off your front?

Maybe I’m the only one who goes to the PO covered in breakfast.

Whatever, human connection and human touch are so very vital to our happiness and to be forcibly deprived of it can be crippling for some.

For most, I would assume.

And if you have a brain that spins like mine, you go from I’m bored, I think I’ll go see _____, and then to I can’t go see ___________ because of the fucking virus, and then, I wonder if I will ever see _______ again, and on to, holy shit I may never see anybody again, to OMG what if one of my kids gets it, to what if one of my children is in the hospital and they won’t let me in then he will die without his mommy being by his side.

Which then may lead to frantic phone calls to said children, irritating the shit out of them so that they want to get off the phone, which they do, not even trying to conceal the relief they feel knowing that we are under lockdown and that their neurotic mommy can’t come barging into their place freaking out.

But when you’re alone and the world is going to shit all around you and the first case is confirmed in your county and you feel like you live in a horror movie and the JAWS theme is playing in your head, it is frightening.

And lonely.

It is SO important for people to be able to reach out to one another and connect in whatever ways that they can. It is imperative that people who are alone in their homes know that they have others out there looking out, checking in, checking on and thinking about.

And available.

AVAILABLE.

I have been holed up for 2 weeks now because I thought that maybe I had been exposed. Even with the amazing support and incredible views in my world, I have still had to fight off some panic and angst.

No one should have to do this alone.

If anyone out there feels like they need to connect, to talk, to unload, to laugh, cry, unload – I am here.

Send me a message here or on my facebook page (Prickly Pear) and I will respond.

 

 

2 thoughts on “lonely

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