What is it about the word “budget” that makes me want to hit the mall?

At least Amazon and PRANA dot com.

All I want is new shit to wear in my poverty: new things to distract me from my empty stomach. All under the guise of  “If I dress like a writer then I will be a writer and then I will write the Great American Novel and make it onto the New York Times Best Seller List and it will be totally worth the new yoga pants. And, if I don’t get those cute pants, then when it’s time to sit down and write all I will have to wear is distractingly uncomfortable clothing that will not allow my brain the freedom it needs to put words on paper.”

So yeah, I need to shop.

Most of the time, online window shopping works for me. I go to multiple websites, spend hours finding just the right items (including the solar powered rechargeable battery charger for my new wireless mouse that goes with my new desktop computer) fill up my shopping basket, narrow it down, then close the page and leave feeling totally satisfied.

But when I am on this tight of a budget, the kind where I am not allow to spend any money on any thing except living expenses, a few full carts doesn’t make a dent in the need to spend.

Eventually I’ll get into the groove, I will enjoy seeing how much money I can save. Having been extremely successful at denying myself food for several years, I can easily starve my spending habits and gain a little pride with every penny that lands in the piggy bank.

It’s just that getting to the place of sensible self denial takes a lot of tenacity that I’m not really feeling today as much as I am the need to have a new dress to wear on my book tour.



You know when you decide that you need a certain pair of shoes, you must have them NOW…

So I get prodeals on certain items from certain companies because I am “in the business.”

I picked out a pair of shoes. Realized that with these new shoes, my life would be forever changed (for the better) and my feet would be eternally grateful.

Not only are these shoes functional, but they are (hopefully) super comfortable and they are just the right color green. So yeah, need them immediately.

Getting on with my life isn’t going to happen until they are on my feet.

So I called the company the other day and they told me that I have to “renew my deal.” Seriously, I buy shoes from these guys all the time?

So I reapplied.

And didn’t hear anything.

So I called again today.

“It’s going to take 4-6 weeks for your application to be processed.”


“But I need those shoes yesterday.”


“Do you understand that my very happiness depends on this?”

“Four to six weeks.”

“Okay, thanks (read: yeah fuck you and your fucking green shoes.)”

Ebay – here I come. I am tenacious if nothing else.

No. I’m not at work.

Well, maybe I am.

Search: Green Shoes, size 7.


There they are, for even less than I could get them prodeal.

Cart. Checkout. Credit card. Complete.

3 days – I can wait 3 days.

I can’t wait 4 – 6 weeks.

The rest of my life begins on Tuesday.

And I will be sporting the Wham! Neon Light’s for the occasion.